We Are All Born Ignorant, But One Must Work Hard to Remain Stupid.

The above quote is from Benjamin Franklin.

Yesterday, TH and I went to go and see Chernobyl Diaries. I have a very big hard-on for Russian related anything, really. I hate the Communist state and all of that – despise Stalin moreso than Lenin since his vision of communism was not what Lenin wanted and he manipulated the people in power to put him in power – but I do appreciate a lot of their achievement. Another large hard-on for me is abandoned cities, villages, and ghost towns. Is it any wonder I wanted to go and see a movie about Prypiat the second I saw a commercial for it? No. I’m going to spoil it for everyone right now: If you want to see it, spend the dollar or two at the Red Box. Also, it’s about zombies but you don’t see anything so maybe, they’re not really zombies. Also, there will be sequels.

Moving on. This post is about stupid, not the movie.

Since TH and I went on a Sunday afternoon, we pretty much figured we would be the only people in the theater. We weren’t that far wrong. A very young couple came in. The boy in that couple looked old enough to be seeing the movie, but I doubt his girlfriend was any older than 15. Whatever. They were quiet and sat in the back. Just before the commercials came on, a larger group of teenagers came in. I gritted my teeth since I knew from past experience in movies that have a general historical makeup or background, they were going to be stupid. Well, I was partially right, at least. One of them was fucking retard beyond all relief.

The first instance of the girl’s stupidity was fairly early. The group of intrepid idiotsexplorers are stopped at the check point to get into the Exclusion Zone around Prypiat. There are two soldiers blocking the way, as well as a barricade. The driver that is leading them into the area, gets out to speak with one of the soldiers while another one (image below) is wandering around the car and looking at them. The two men are, clearly, speaking Russian in front of the vehicle while they discuss why the group can’t enter the Exclusion Zone. So, at that moment, this moron said, “Wow. They look like Nazis.” I have two images for y’all to look at. The first one is taken from Listal-dot-com, which is a screen grab from the movie. The one on the left is an image from WWII, taken from VII-Corps. Take a long look at both pictures, please.

Russian.

Nazi.

Let’s just take a peek and see what happens, shall we?

The first soldier is dressed in a red beanie with two patches atop. His clothing is a dark militaristic style, with a hint of camouflage. The second picture shows a man with a full-fledged cap, no patches. There are epaulets to denote rank along the shoulders of his padded coat. He has clearly delineated pockets all throughout his outfit, whereas the image of the Russian man does not show. Now, I realize and I understand that each military branch for different countries aren’t going to dress the same, but how in the world can we mistake the modern outfit for the Russians with the nearly a century-old garment of the Nazis? I think what really kind of gets me is that (A) Russian and German do no sound even remotely similar (am I the only one who realizes that?) and (B) THE MEN WERE CLEARLY FUCKING SPEAKING RUSSIAN. Okay, okay. I’ll give the benefit of the doubt: maybe Miss Airhead had never heard a Russian or a German speak before. Let’s just go back and see what the movie is about… people entering a Ukrainian, and thereby ex-Russian, abandoned town because of a nuclear disaster that occurred in 1986. Russian. Nazi.

Yes. They do not even remotely sound alike.

But what truly gets me is that there haven’t been honest Nazis around since the end of WWII and the people either surrendered or ran away to South America. The Russian beat the Nazis out of the rich lands of the Ukraine quite a while BEFORE they followed that up with the end of the Nazi Dream. So… how in the fuck can we possibly say that these men look alike? Is it just because their uniforms are both military? Really? I mean, the fact that the movie was not in black-and-white should have been Miss Moron’s first clue that the man in question WAS NOT A FUCKING NAZI. I smacked myself in the face when I heard her first statement, but I really wanted to turn around and give her a fucking history lesson after her second comment.

Now, I can’t actually find the image in question. I believe the image was either portraying Lenin or Stalin, but since Stalin is always shown with a fat face, I’m going to place bets on Lenin (for right now). Since this image is not available in any form of Google-fu that I’ve tried, I decided that it was either an image created specifically for the movie or the Russian government is doing a really good job of keeping their propaganda posters under wraps. I’ll explain the image: It is a Russian man with a small mustache (this is why I think it may be Lenin instead of Brezhnev, as I had initially thought). The portrait is done in tones of red and gold – colors of the sickle and hammer of the USSR – and in this man’s outstretched hand, he holds the atom molecule. The girl said, “That must be Hitler,” or something as equally inane. TH and I started giggling at her stupidity as one of her companions said, “Are you fucking serious? Shut up.”

Now, I have two images to post so that we can show how stupid this girl is. The first comes from the the Guardian’s UK website (I cropped out the sickle and hammer in that picture) and the second from Calvin-dot-Edu.

Lenin.

Hitler.

They both have facial hair. They both were alive at about the same time, although one went for dominion over their nation a good twenty years before the other. One liked to be portrayed in red and the other in various colors. They were both power-hungry. They both wanted revenge for their own unknown reasons. So, yeah, I guess I could see… NO. NO. NO. I don’t see the connection here, but maybe it’s the fact that I’ve done research, went to school and learned a thing or two, as well as the fact that I’m not a complete fucking moron. I mean, I understand that the girl was in high school but for fuck’s sake. How in the world are these two even remotely related? Not to mention that Lenin was very dead by the time Stalin made a pact promising non-aggression with the Nazi state. And not to mention the fact that, you know, THE FUCKING PEOPLE WERE IN FUCKING RUSSIA WHERE HITLER NEVER FUCKING REMOTELY EVEN GOVERNED FOR ANYTHING. HE JUST KILLED AND BROUGHT WAR. HE WENT THERE ONCE. WHAT THE FUCK.

As you can tell, from my cap’s lock… I’m pretty fucking irritated with how dumb this child was. I wanted to slap her upside the head. I wanted to throttle her. I wanted to pull her out of the theater and explain to her about Hitler and the man in that poster having had absolutely no relation whatsoever. I also wanted to explain that the Nazis hated communism more than they hated anything else (no, seriously, that was Hitler’s big plan, but he had to have the land and resources, AKA Europe, at his disposal before his big plan of destroying communism could be put into play). And I also wanted to explain that she had better pick up a book now and again, otherwise, her stupidity would be weeded out when she burned herself on a cup of coffee that didn’t have the “CAREFUL CONTENTS HOT” warning along the top. Or, you know, end her myself, but whatever.

Honestly, in all complete and utter fucking honesty, I really despair for the next batch of kids that will be ruling this country when I’m an old, cantankerous bitch at an old folk’ home.

Wisdom Has Never Made a Bigot, But Learning Has.

The above title is a quote from Josh Billings.

Today, we all know and learned that President Obama has decided that he supports gay marriage. If you aren’t aware of this historic moment, then you live under a rock. But, really, I’ve seen Facebook littered with positive and cheer-filled Obama memes that has everything to do with his support behind gay marriage. One of my cousin’s, who happens to be gay, posted one of these pictures. And his step-brother commented in a very negative manner that I thought was offensive, to my cousin who finally has someone of major import backing his right to choose to marry or not, but also in the very childish belief that Barack Obama was no better than China and that soon, I would be able to have a “healthy vagina” but in the mean time, we would have forced abortions (like China) and other such horrific things that they do over there.

After having this heated debate for about twenty minutes, I stepped back and said, “It’s heartbreaking and sad that you feel that way. Fare well with your hatred.” There’s a quasi-family member that I have absolutely no problem cutting out of my life, not that he’d ever have any merit or reason to be in my life now, anyway. What I can say is that I feel very guilty for having set up the bigoted comments of my quasi-relation (in commenting on his hate-filled propaganda), for responding to the quasi-family member’s wife’s comments, and for letting it go on to the point where I was acting on impulse, as opposed to sitting back and thinking clearly and concisely about what I should be retorting with. I feel badly that my cousin is even remotely (though by marriage) related to someone who feels that way. And lastly, I feel abhorrent disgust that I know someone who feels that way. It’s one thing when someone I know is anarchically affiliated and just outright hates any type of government. It’s quite another when someone I’m sort of related to hates someone for their own personal reasons (though I strongly suspect it’s race related) and then blasts someone who is having a joy-filled moment because of it.

It blows my mind. This whole thing blows my mind.

Sure, I’ve heard some people talk very negatively about the President before. But, I heard the same kind of hatred about Bush and about Clinton, too. It’s not unheard of for a group of people to out-and-out despise the president for insert reason here. What I find vile and disgusting is the fact that these people seem to be basing it off of complete and utter bullshit, half lies, or just gut instinct. Sure, you could hate President Bush based on his inability to speak, his policies at home, the War on Terror, etc. But whenever someone talked about not liking him, invariably, there was a reason. And yet, with President Obama, I’m not seeing the same things. I’m not seeing people able to clearly and concisely say, “Hey, I hate him because of X, Y, Z.” It seems to be entirely based on the fact that he’s black. I mean, no one has outright said that (to me), but they just cannot stand him.

I support President Obama, which as a Republican, that should say a lot. I support a lot of Republican ideals, although my ideals are changing as time goes by. (I was always a bit of weird Republican because I’m pro-choice and I’m pro-gay marriage, but I’ve always been a big fan of the death penalty. So, I’m definitely not the “norm.”) But, what comes to me as clear and obvious is that I have a president who cares that I can make my own decisions. That sits very big with me. I’m very sensitive and aware of the Planned Parenthood, anti-choice, anti-birth control horse manure that’s been going on out there. And the fact that I have a president who says I can make that choice… well, that just means a whole lot to me. The fact that he’s willing to possibly lose the election and say that he supports gay marriage in a very tight and painful race, well, that just says a lot about his character and that means I support him all the more. (Yes, I am aware that he pretty much had to make his viewpoint known because Biden opened his mouth this weekend, but still.) I support his universal health care law, as long as it’s based off of more than just the shitty Mass Health model they have right now. (Seriously. Shitty. Fucking. Model.) I support his reduction of student loans. I support a lot of this man’s policies and I’m proud that he’s my president.

So, maybe I’m not fully up on all of his politics and his beliefs and what’s going on at Capitol Hill. To be honest, that’s fine. I don’t need to know it all. I just need to know where he stands on issues that I hold very close to my heart – pro choice and pro gay marriage – and he supports those issues. So, if I didn’t love him before, I sure as fuck do now.

Anyway.

The point in all of this is that when it comes to some basic tenets in my faith, part of it means that I stand up and I say, “I support this.” But in other tenets, it also means that I should keep my mouth shut. I knew better than to enter a possible foray situation, which is what ended up happening. I know how powerful words are and I knew that I was probably going to start suffering from my usual Foot-in-Mouth Disease. Did that stop me? No. I made a mistake and I apologized to the original poster, my cousin, for what I felt got out of hand and was completely uncalled for. All I can say is that I’m sorry my sort-of relation feels that way. And that I’m sorry other people feel that way, too. But feel however they want, come November fourth, I’m still going to be voting for President Barack Obama. And I hope other women, like me, make that same choice.

Religious Politics: Abortion.

Let me just say that I have debated for a long time about writing this post. On the one hand, I try not to get too politically motivated in posts because I don’t think I’m eloquent enough to not come off as a self-righteous ass. The other is because I respect other people who have opinions, whether they be like mine or otherwise. However, I’ve noticed a very curious phenomena that has finally thrown me over the edge of debating into the ring of rhetoric.

Nowadays, we use religion to help us define what our politics are. I can understand why this is so; there are few subjects that can elicit such a violent, visceral, and gut reaction. It seems almost natural for the two to go hand-in-hand. Do I think this is the right way to run a country? No, I do not, but I do understand the basis behind it. That being said, let me say something about this in regards to my religion and my politics: they do not go hand-in-hand. On occasion, I will utilize the moral code that I have developed via the basis of my faith to come to a politically motivated decision. However, I do not let either make a decision for the other. I know that I’m not in the norm here, either. All too often the two go together, which leaves arguments, debates, and name-calling to skyrocket while clear heads fall into the low percentages. All that being said, let’s pick the topic and move on.

Abortion.

I support abortion with one hundred percent of my being. This isn’t just because I’ve had one, either. Surprisingly enough, prior to getting into the situation where that decision had to be made, I did not support abortion. A life was a life, and who were we to decide if it lived or died? As an atheist (at the time), this was just an ideal that I thought was appropriate. But then I got into a situation where being pregnant at eighteen wasn’t a good idea. Thinking now, I would have an eleven-year-old child with shared custody with a man who hates my guts. But in all honesty, I was following the flow of popular thought, reiterating what other people had said. Then I had an abortion and things changed, I began to consciously decide on my policy and stance on abortion.

I started doing research on the debate. Yes, it’s amusing that it was only after I had one that I began to define my opinion on the topic. But it’s the whole thing that you don’t clearly think about those things until you get into the situation. While people can sit there and claim, quite clearly, that they would never do this, this, or that even if put into that situation, they cannot honestly claim that to be the case. It isn’t until you’re faced with the decision that you can begin to take any stance on the subject matter in question. And yeah, I made the decision on the fly, on a gut that was saying being attached to that guy in that way until we died or something horrendous happened to Possible Child… well, it wasn’t in our best interest. And while I didn’t go to college and get a degree, and I didn’t travel across Europe, and I didn’t take part in anything that was more meaningful than living day after day, I made the right choice for me. And I do not regret it.

The research numbers are staggering though. I’m not talking about how many would-be children have been killed or anything, but the reason behind the legalization. The reason behind what made me realize that I had to pick a side on abortion—and not just because I had been there and done that. I had to make a choice and I chose to look to the history of the subject matter in question. This particular history is something that most political entities are not aware of, don’t care about, think that with modern medicine that could never happen here, and/or think of it as a sort of pro-choice* joke-a-thon. But, these are all things that we have to look to when we make a decision in this particular debate, when we sit down and say, “I am pro-choice/pro-life in regards to abortion.”

* Maybe one day, I’ll get into the totally ridiculous pro-life versus pro-choice debate. And what I mean in regards to that is that to be pro-life, you have to pretty much love life across the board: spiders, trees, birds, bugs, etc. In reality, the debate should be labeled as pro-choice versus anti-choice. But, that’s something that I probably won’t ever actually discuss, but merely make mention of in little snippets here and there.

Abortion seems to have been a part of our culture, going back a long ways. Induced abortions have been made mention in China, circa 2700BCE, the ancient Egyptian Ebers Papyrus talks about it, circa 1550BCE, and it’s also shown to have existed during the Roman Empire. These are all things that we should take into account when we talk about the pro-choice debate. Inducing abortions aren’t just something that we talk about today and whether or not a woman has the right to choose what happens to the fetus growing on inside of her. These aren’t just questions that have come up in this day in age, but they were also prevalent during major periods of history. These are people just like us, but having lived thousands of years ago. Sure, they didn’t have computers or access to information as quickly as we did, but they still wondered about whether or not they should have the choice to carry a fetus to full term or not. This, in and of itself, should be more prevalent in the debates today, though it’s sad to say that chances are not too many anti-choice people are aware of how long the debate has been raging on. But, really, what debate can we say happened way back then? None of us can say that we were alive then and clearly delineate when the debate started. All we can do is look back and back, and wonder and think, and realize how far we’ve come since things like warmed rocks, fasting, bloodletting, use of mercury, and toxic plants were used to abort unwanted fetuses.

The real fear, the real thing though that got me was, what were referred to as, “back-alley abortions.” Chances are, in some form or another, people have heard of this phrase. It’s not as common as it was unless you happen to know a little history (like me) or you are a Baby Boomer. For most people who live in this day and age, these are things of the past, these are things that we don’t have to remember or take seriously. Honestly? With the abortion climate going on lately, I think it is something that we should look to. And besides, this is what I used to base my decision off of.

Now, by “back alley abortion,” I’m not talking about women who were taken into a dark-lit alley and had an unsanctioned surgery performed. Honestly, the term stems from the times when doctors would provide the services, though illegal, and asked their patients to come in via the back door. However, just because there were doctors willing to break the laws back then doesn’t mean that all women had this option and this is what I’m talking about: the women who fell down the stairs, the women who asked their best friends to punch them in the stomachs, the women who used a coat hanger to try to abort, the women who used a knitting needle to remove the fetus, the women who died using highly toxic plants (like pennyroyal) to force an abortion, the use of any and all drugs necessary to force an abortion. When I think about back-alley abortions, specifically, I think about the women who would beg their friends to beat them up or throw them down stairs or push them off of a swing so that they could land on their stomachs. But, really, back-alley abortions were any and all kinds of unsafe abortions performed, usually without medical supervision, that could result in not just the abortion, itself, but death as well. “A study concluded in 1968[12] determined that over 1.2 million illegal abortions were performed every year in the United States, a portion of which were performed by women acting alone.” (Source: Wiki.)

The thing is with all of that information being thrown at me, I was horrified. To imagine my grandmother asking her best friend to shove her down the stairs? To imagine my mother paying hundreds of dollars to some quack with a bloody knife and possibly dying because of the “procedure” he performed on her? (Yes, visions of Dirty Dancing there.) With all of that information coming at me, the horror that crowded my heart that women, even aware of the back alley tactics and the statistics of possible death, would willingly choose an unsafe abortion… with all of that, how could I possibly tell anyone to “deal” with it? How could I possibly consign them to something like that when the legal process is one of the safest medical procedures out there? (Source: Wiki.) I can’t do that.

So, it wasn’t because of what I had gone through that made me realize where I stood in t

The Akhenaten-Smenkhkare Theory.

Okay, so I am obsessed with ancient Egypt. If you know me, then you know this about me. If you didn’t know this about me, well then, where the fuck have you been? I’ve been obsessed with ancient Egypt for as long as I can remember because I am a dork. In reality, I have the heart of a dork and the head of an ego maniacal fruitcake who thinks that she can come up with theories that people will read. In effect, that’s the whole point in this long-winded, rambling life’s path that I walk: theories, theories, theories. And it is because of my obsession with ancient Egypt that I wanted the history degree, but mostly, it’s also because I want people to respect my theories. Instead, I write books in my head about those theories and find myself dorking it up via FB and Twitter with comments about how much I can’t stand Zahi Hawass (seriously: I hate the man), how much I want to discover new insights into the Amarna period, and just generally act like a fool. But a fool with a history degree.

I dream a lot about ancient Egypt, but that’s mostly because I live there, in my head, a lot of the time. If I’m not writing stories about Akhenaten, Nefertiti, and Smenkhkare (to name a few), then I’m reading about it in some form or another. Most of my books about ancient Egypt are centered entirely around the Amarna period. Is this the only period that I have an interest in? No. I’m also pretty intrigued by Kleopatra VII (I prefer to use the K versus the C in her name because it connects her with the older names of the rulers of Kemet) and Hatshepsut, but mostly, I find myself always drawn back to that mysterious time period of the 18th Dynasty in which we have a shit-ton of ideas, but absolutely no evidence therein. If there’s a historical fiction series or books or what have you about those time periods, you had better believe that I own them. So, pretty much, I live in ancient Egypt in my head whether I’m dreaming or writing or thinking or reading.

Obsession probably is no longer an adequate word to describe what I am.

So, anyway.

Today, I’ve been rereading the book Nefertiti by Michelle Moran. When it was first suggested to me, I bought it with a grain of salt. I mean, what the hell? I’ve read lots of crappy reviews about books about the mysterious queen of Akhenaten before. I’ve also seen some of the shittiest fucking historical fiction books ever created because of said queen or said time period. (I guess you could say I’m a big snob about it because I got my first historical fiction start with Akhenaten, Dweller in Truth by Naguib Mahfouz.) So, I picked it up and instantly fell in love. I bought the three books that the author in question wrote about ancient Egypt (one more about that general time period and another about the daughter of Kleopatra VII) and have read them to tatters. Seriously, tatters. So, with the whole rereading of this book, I’ve decided that I need to get down and dirty. I need to look up stuff and see what new things have changed.

And you know what I came back on?

King Tut’s family tree via DNA testing. If you don’t know about this, then you’re so behind the times that it’s not very funny at all. It doesn’t matter. I agree with the findings because I’m not going to sit here and say that the science is stupid. Science is not stupid and I agree with the whole genetic tests. What I don’t agree with is the fact that because the KV55 mummy absolutely fucking has to be Akhenaten, proving that the Heretic Pharaoh was the fucking father of the kid.

Really? Really? All the DNA tests has fucking proved is the fact that the guy who was buried haphazardly across from King Tut was the kid’s dad. It doesn’t say anything more about who the fuck the mummy was. All we know about said mummy is that it is a son of Queen Tiye and Amunhotep III. Besides having had Akhenaten, the two of them had a son who died prior to his accession, Tuthmosis. Isn’t it possible that they had another son that also wasn’t mentioned in the historical record (like Akhenaten prior to his accession to the throne or the possible coregency between him and his dad)? Isn’t it possible that the fucking mummy could have been the mysterious Smenkhkare? If he was a brother to Akhenaten, then the age would be about right. And seriously, for fuck’s sake, why the hell do we have to assume that the mummy is Akhenaten?

I’ll tell you why: Zahi Hawass said so.

Fucking asshole.

I’m not going to sit here and say that the guy can’t be right because it’s possible. The thing is that I’ve been obsessed with the KV55 mummy for years. The first time I began learning about Smenkhkare, I was hooked on the theory that it was his mummy in the tomb. During that phase, I picked up the book Atlantis and the Ten Plagues of Egypt by Graham Phillips (WHAT?! I was in an Atlantis phase, too!). And while I don’t agree with the reason behind the burial, although the evidence was pretty compelling, I have always had to agree that the body was probably that of Smenkhkare.

I mean, seriously? Why the fuck would the Egyptians not have destroyed the body of Akhenaten, if given the chance? And if he was buried in Amarna, as I’ve always figured, then you know, I can definitely see that people took it into their head to destroy his body because who would want him running around for all eternity when he fucked shit up? And if it wasn’t the people, then why couldn’t it have been the Amun priesthood who felt his wrath and ire the most? Or, even, Horemheb when he got to the throne and began his anti-Atenist uprising/assimilation/destruction? I’ve never even remotely considered that we will ever find Akhenaten’s body (or that of his beautiful queen, for similar reason). And considering just how fucking important it was to have statuary and a whole body in the afterlife in ancient Egypt, it pretty much makes more sense for the body to be GONE FOREVER GONE.

But, you know, Mr. Full-of-Himself Hawass has spoken. It is Akhenaten and so therefore, it is.

Insert eye roll so savage that my eyes try popped into my brain pan.

A Senator E-Mailed Me.

So, a while back, I sent a mass E-mail to Scott Brown for supporting the Blunt Amendment. This is the one where the guy thought it would be awesome to make any employer drop whatever they feel “morally against” from health insurance. This would include HIV tests, contraception and abortion, and various other little things that might actually be useful. I got pretty fucking aggravated that one of my senators was an asshole and actually supported this bullshit amendment. (In case you have no idea what I’m talking about, here’s some stuff about it! So, I signed the little Planned Parenthood sanctioned E-mail and forgot about it. Until now, that is…

…because Scott Brown had someone E-mail me back! (Someone as in an aid because we all know that he would never actually ordain to write someone back.) So, you know what he said to me?

“Thank you for contacting me regarding religious conscience exemptions in healthcare. I value the input of my constituents on all issues and would like to take this opportunity to respond.

“The First Amendment to the Constitution secures for all Americans the freedom of religion. Our Founders felt this freedom was so important that they didn’t just place it in the First Amendment — it’s the first thing to be mentioned — ahead of freedom of speech, the press, or the right to petition government. I support a conscience exemption for religious organizations from the new healthcare mandate because I want to make sure that we are providing the same protections for religious groups that have existed for more than 220 years.

“Under President Obama’s healthcare law [P.L. 111-148], for the first time in our history, religious organizations are being coerced by a federal mandate to violate their deepest religious and moral convictions. Religious organizations are faced with an impossible choice: drop coverage entirely for their employees and pay a punitive fine to the federal government, or violate their faith. As a husband and the father of two daughters, I believe insurers should provide access to contraception services, and I support federal funding for family planning and health services for women. That is the way I have voted as a member of both the Massachusetts legislature and the United States Senate. However, I also respect people of faith and believe we can both provide coverage for the services that women rely on, and have a conscience clause that guarantees religious freedom. It is important to note that we have found that balance in the Massachusetts healthcare law, and we should also be able to do so at the federal level.

“It is for these reasons that I voted in favor of an amendment to the Highway Bill (S. 1831), on March 1, 2012, offered by Senator Roy Blunt (MO), which would have restored the conscience protections in law that existed prior to the new federal mandate proposed in February 2012. The amendment would have required plan sponsors who received a religious exemption for specific services to offer health coverage of the same or greater value as a plan that included those services. This means that employers would have no financial incentive to seek religious exemptions to any mandated health service. The amendment would not have prohibited women from accessing any healthcare service they need, nor would it have impacted existing state laws, and it did not address any other federal law besides the new flawed healthcare mandate. The amendment failed by a vote 51-48.

“Again, thank you for getting in touch with me. Should you have any additional questions or comments, please feel free to contact me or visit my website at http://www.scottbrown.senate.gov.”

And I have to say that I’m just as pissed now as I was when I first sent the E-mail. Not only is such a propagandist piece of shit but it also talks about how he supports religion. Yeah, okay. I support having a religion, too, but I don’t think it should have any basis in what type of health care I receive or what type of health insurance I get from any of my [future] employers. And just the complete and utter bullshit that this E-mail is filled with led me to decide to E-mail him back. And you know what I said?

“The Constitution states that we have a right to practice whatever religion we want. And while the men who founded this country did believe that having religious freedom merited the most important place in our constitution, they didn’t use it to decide how this country was run. They were granting ACCESS to religion, not forcing it down our throats.”

Sit on that and twirl, Senator Brown. You ain’t gettin’ my vote.

In Which I Rage About Fake People.

This entry is brought to you by the letters B (for books), C (for characters), the number 7 (because it’s my favorite) and the entry as written by the Insatiable Bookslut, GreenGeekGirl. Recently, a blog post was written about the top five literary characters that GGG wanted to punch in the face. This, to me, is a novel (hurr, hurr) concept. And the clearest form of flattery is to steal an idea, use the fuck out of it, and present it with a link to the original post. As can be seen, I’ve done the linking part. Now, it’s time to do the first two.

7. Kitty Norville in the first book of series of same name.

Let me first say that Carrie Vaughn is an amazing writer. I have every book in the series and I’ve read them all a hundred times. Every time a new book comes out, I’m all over that like white on fucking rice. I am nothing, if not, loyal. And when it comes to series that make me happy for some reason? I am even more fucking loyal. So the fact that the main character, in any capacity, has made it to this very list should convey something. Oh, yeah. It conveys something, all right.

Kitty is a whining, fucking bitch.

Now, let me just say that these books are about werewolves. (Yes, I do paranormal romance. Do you want to make something of it? I have no problem Google searching you, hunting you down, and making you feel guilty by crying in your face.) So, in the grand scheme of things, the fact that this book is written about a lead female who is not the alpha bitch of the pack should lead one to conclude that it’s the werewolf-equivalent of a coming-of-age tale. And if it’s not, well, I just gave the premise away. (Oh, well.)

However, this character is the epitome of a whiny git that for the first half of the book, you’re just trying your damnedest to not rip your hair out by the roots while you’re screaming, “GROW A FUCKING BACKBONE.” To say that her whining, sniveling, puppy-dog-eye act is overwrought and irritating? Well, that’s the understatement of the fucking year. It can be so bad that I had a friend I loaned these books out to. She called me up in a snit, demanding to know if Kitty grew a pair because if not, she would not be able to tolerate the whole nine-book series. Yeah, she’s just that bad.

The real problem is that, of course, if you know anything about wild wolf packs, the character can’t actually grow a back bone without causing a lot of issues later on… which she does anyway. It is that aspect and that aspect alone that really redeems the character in the reader’s eyes and makes you more than willing to see her grow up, start her own pack, and become the biggest, baddest, bitchiest alpha bitch in the history of werewolf alpha bitches. Whoops, should I have something about spoilers there? Ah, well.

6. Alcide Herveaux from the BOOKS, not the show.

Charlaine Harris is one of my all-time favorite paranormal romance authors. Her books are gritty and suck you in from the fucking get-go. The fact that she has only two more books coming out makes me one sad bibliophile. I mean, honestly, what the fuck else am I to look forward to every fucking May? And in reality, it’s not like I can get into the television series, True Blood, at all. (I have a serious issue when it comes to books and the camera-versions not matching up and from what I have seen and heard, the HBO version is nothing like the fucking series.) So after May of 2013, I will seriously have to start contemplating killing myself or tolerating Sookie Stackhouse withdrawal. That being said…

I fucking hate Alcide Herveaux.

Whenever I re-read the series and I come to Club Dead, I instantly clench my teeth because I know that Charlaine Harris is going to introduce this beautiful, sexy, and smart man who seems like a really fucking fantastic match for Sookie. And of course, since it’s a book in the romance genre, that’s all you want to read about is how she can get it on, guilt-free, with the love of her life. It’s all about the happy ever after ending here, people, but I can pretty much assure you that Alcide Herveaux is the antithesis to happily ever fucking after.

We begin the tale with him being forced to help Sookie out of a bind because his dad is a gambler. You start to feel really bad for him there. And immediately, there’s some kind of zing going on between the two. You can feel it even in the book. After they say their goodbyes at the end of that book, you start to look forward to seeing him again. And hoping that he will do his damned best to taking care of Sookie and getting her out of the ‘terrible vampire atmosphere’ that she constantly finds herself embroiled. WRONG.

After this, he gets all whiny because she rejects him. And then, he uses her to get things that he wants, after whining about how she doesn’t care about him the way that he obviously cares about her. EVEN THOUGH, he’s incredibly busy being hung up on his homicidal ex-girlfriend. Then, when Sookie kills her in self-defense (the homicidal ex-girlfriend), he gets even more down with the whining, suspicious, asshole behavior that makes every woman want to punch a guy in the gonads with a nail-studded baseball bat.

They’re at the point, now, in the books where they have an okay relationship but I still feel homicidal menace inside of me whenever I read the words, “Alcide Herveaux,” on the page.

5. Princess Irulan.

I don’t have a personal problem with her, per se. She’s doing what she can to survive. However, she takes her survival skills completely out of hand when she starts plotting against Paul in the book, Dune Messiah. I mean, for fuck’s sake, how fucking fucked up can you be that you spend YEARS slipping birth control pills into the food of your-rival-in-love? And THEN, you get cold feet when you’re ordered to have her abort the fetus when she finally manages to get knocked up because she spends months away from you? Yeah, yeah. Okay. That makes total fucking—NO IT FUCKING DOESN’T. And of course, as a way to make nice-nice and live guilt-free, she takes care of the products of that conception for the rest of her life. Oh, yeah. WAY TO WIN, PRINCESS IRULAN. WAY TO WIN.

Quick note: I love Virginia Madsen, but I always liked her better as the Princess Irulan than Julie Cox. (AND ALSO, THEY ARE APPARENTLY REMAKING ANOTHER ONE SUPPOSEDLY. THEY’RE REMAKING THE DUNE MOVIE YET FUCKING AGAIN. I reserve judgement.)

4. Random Redcoat that Kills Murtagh.

Let me relate some history here.

Way back in the early 2000s, I had a boss who read as avidly as I did. My reading tended to be more towards the science fiction or horror areas, if I wasn’t so interested in some historical tidbit that I had to track down. This woman got me started on the Outlander series by Diana Gabaldon. This is when I first discovered historical fiction, outside of ancient Egypt, and learned that I loved the fucking hell out of it.

Now, Murtagh is the character to end all bad-ass characters. He is the fucking awesome to the le sauce. Let’s think about all of the badassery that is Theodore fucking Roosevelt. And then, let’s apply that badassery to Murtagh Fraser who is the Scottish Highland version of Theodore fucking Roosevelt. It would surprise me greatly if Diana Gabaldon didn’t have a long list of TR’s badassery to hand when she was creating this fucking kickass character for her novel. And then, let’s add all of that knowledge to the fact that some asshole Redcoat fucking kills the shit out of said badass because he was unfortunately forced to fight at the Battle of Culloden. And that’s when pure hatred sets in. It would have been like having Teddy join some far off battle years after his presidency and then some random fucking asshat gets a random fucking shot off and KABLAM! The end of the badass to end all badasses. The problem, of course, being that in Murtagh’s case… that’s exactly what fucking happened.

And that random Redcoat?

He went straight to hell.

3. Throat Cancer that killed Michael Fucking Crichton.

Every fucking book that I have ever read that had Michael Crichton as the author has led to a very happy, contented avid reader. We own every single one of his books, to date. That includes Eaters of the Dead and Five Patients. In this household, when we do something, we go ALL THE FUCKING WAY. That being said? The throat cancer that he fought and battled quietly for years? Yeah, that deserves not just a punch to the face, but also a decent kick to the nuts with a pair of steel-toed boots and quite probably, a serious beating with the nail-studded bat we decided to use on Alcide Herveaux earlier.

RIP Michael Crichton (1942 – 2008). You’re literary awesomeness knew no bounds and will be missed.

2. Erich von Daniken.

It is the sign of an unfair world that this asshole is still alive when the greatness that is Michael Crichton is dead. Just sayin’.

When I was younger, I was fascinated by the alternate history theories. I spent a good portion of 2005 researching aliens, pole shifts, and Atlantis. During all of this fun and exciting research, or at least what purported to be fun and exciting at the time, I ended up finding about Erich von Daniken and well-known book called, The Chariots of the Gods. I bought it… and read about five pages before I threw it across the room in a rage, delivered it to my local library, and never looked back. After that, I settled back into my theories about Atlantis, but gave up on the alien spiel. It seemed just so asinine to me. I actually wrote a post, one day, about how all these assholes out there think we are just not smart enough to, you know, evolve on our own.

And that’s the reason that Erich von Daniken deserves a rapid punch to the face.

He thinks that humanity is too fucking dumb to have created shit.

Well. That and for giving birth to the horror that is my final tick on this list.

1. Graham Fucking Hancock.

Even prior to my exploration of alien alternate history theories, I discovered Graham Hancock because I was doing a lot of research into things like the apocrypha, the Dead Sea scrolls, the theories that Moses and Akhenaten were the same… So, because my purchase history was this big, huge eclectic thing, his book, The Sign and the Seal, popped up a few times. I figured, “Eh. Why not?” It seemed interesting that he would think he could find the ark of the covenant. And it seemed like a pretty good theory, what I nominally knew about the ark and history made it all that much more intriguing.

I had a seriously bad lapse in judgement.

BAD.

This guy is the tool to end all tools. Let’s not even discuss the fact that, like Erich von Daniken, he thinks that humanity is to fucking dumb to have created such beautiful things as architecture and artwork, or discover advanced mathematics or anything. Okay, no. Let’s discuss. THIS TOOL THINGS WE ARE SO FUCKING STUPID THAT WE NEEDED SOME HELP IN GETTING OUT OF OUR SHIT-TOSSING PHASE BY ALIENS. Aliens came down and helped us to evolve and then built beautiful things that we later took credit for and they even put the great history that is their knowledge in a secret chamber underneath the Sphinx’s foot. Oh, yeah, baby. Humanity was so fucking infantile that it couldn’t possibly have grown up enough in any period of time and thought, “Hey. Permanent structures made out of stone would be more appropriate to protect us from invaders, animal attacks, or the elements.” Nope. No. We just couldn’t have possibly have EVER evolved to that point.

And of course, there is the toolish quality of his asshole book that I mistakenly bought.

I didn’t get far in it, I’ll admit. I was getting frustrated with his stupidity almost from the get-go. There were many a times where I tossed it, literally, against a brick wall in my frustration. It was either that or I go absolutely bat-shit insane and set fire to the book while dancing naked with soot casually designed in tribal tattoos all over my body. What got me the most was that he decided that to explain why the there were Ethiopian Jews who practiced a type of Judaism that hasn’t been practiced in over a millennia, he had to choose the most convoluted and asinine reason possible. Oh, I totally agree that people traveled to Ethiopia to escape the rampant Jew-hatred going on. However, he decided that the Jews got there by traversing the unknown desert of Saudi Arabia, into Yemen, before quietly crossing the slight isthmus between Yemen and Ethiopia, or possibly via the Red Sea. Um. Call me silly here but doesn’t it make more sense that, maybe, JEWS WENT THROUGH FUCKING EGYPT?!?!?! A FUCKING COUNTRY THAT HAS BEEN THERE FOR FAR LONGER?!?!? THAT THEY KNEW EXISTED?!?!?! THAT THEY PROBABLY STILL LIVED IN BECAUSE, LET’S FACE IT, JUST BECAUSE THEIR ANCESTORS HAD FLED DOESN’T MEAN THAT THEY THOUGHT IT WAS ALL THAT BAD LIVING THERE?!?!??!

ISN’T IT?!?!?!?!?!?

Not only that, but this tool has some seriously bad hair.

And that right there? Merits a serious punch to the face.

And as a final testament to my rage-filled awesomeness, I present the world with an award I earned via Insatiable Booksluts for just such rage-filled commentary as one can find above.

I’m Not On Any Crusade.

I’m not a crusader, although sometimes, I think that maybe I should be. I have just enough I’m always right in me to make it plausible. I have fast enough fingers to get research done quickly, promptly, and with little fuss. I have more than enough insane rage and irritation about the little things. Also, being a crusader would mean that people would have to listen to me and what I say on a regular basis. However, a large con is that I would be pretty damn irritated with all of the people who didn’t agree with my way of thinking because, of course, as a possible-future-crusader, my way or the highway, baby.

However, I have to admit that I really get crusader-like when it comes to asinine airheads who think they know what the fuck they’re talking about. Most especially in cases where me, the person with the overly opinionated and self-important blog going on, actually does know what the fuck they’re talking about and is completely fucking ignored.

This, of course, stems from an ongoing debate on the forum that I happen to belong to. The debate started when I posted an article about how the United States was thinking about making ER contraception far more easily accessible. (For anyone curious, it was blocked.) The debate started out about the actuality of letting kids age twelve and up getting the pill without a prescription. A lot of the people on the forum decided that it was a damn good idea, thereby proving beyond a shadow of a doubt (sarcasm) that all pagans are liberals. However, there was one person who felt that it went against her, as a parent, and so didn’t support it. And that was fine, however, it got more than a little ridiculous when rape and incest came into the picture.

“What if there’s sexual abuse? What if her parents are so strict about sex that she’ll be in trouble for having gotten in the position more than getting help and support? What if, what if… In an ideal world, sure, but rather than in an ideal world, we live in a world where there was a story here last year where a 12-yo gave birth unexpectedly while on a school trip. The baby was her father’s.” That’s a direct quote from someone who disagreed with the person who didn’t like the idea of the government relaxing the restrictions… and her response was, “I kind of answered this before. But, in that kind of case, if she can get to a pharmacy, she can get to the hospital. Or the police. It’s an unusual circumstance that you’re talking about. Not an everyday occurence. Should we risk every child out there for one who has other avenues? We can’t make everyone happy, no matter what laws we pass or how we pass them.”

And I pretty much just lost my shit, right there.

I wanted to reach through my laptop screen and bitch-slap a bitch. I mean, for fuck’s sake, really?

Hi. I was sixteen year old when a football player at my school thought it would be great to force me to have sex. I was sixteen years old. I knew what rape was. I understood the whole “I said no” aspect. Do you want to know why I didn’t say anything to anyone until months and months later? I was scared shitless that there would be backlash at school. I was scared shitless that I would have to go to court. I was scared shitless that my mother wouldn’t believe me or the cops wouldn’t believe me. And I was scared shitless that I had disappointed my mom.

Now, as I said in my previous comment, let’s multiple the fear that I had at sixteen years old to the fear of a twelve-year-old girl in a similar situation. If me, a girl from an upper middle class family who was highly educated, couldn’t have said anything to anybody about it until I was forced to then how can you even reasonably assume that a twelve-year-old girl in similar circumstances to mine would say something?

And when it comes to familial abuse, it’s rare that anyone says anything until after the fact. I don’t think you understand the courage it takes for someone to say, “This man raped me,” never mind the courage it would take for someone to say, “My father rapes me.”

I mean, for fuck’s sake here. How in the world could this woman possibly assume that a twelve-year-old girl could possibly have the wherewithal, the mental fortitude, and the courage enough to approach anyone about her being in an incestuous relationship or sexually assaulted in some form or another? The problem here is that there wasn’t any fucking thinking going on. Instead of rationality going on, she was just trying to prove her point against the masses; she was just trying to shut us the fuck up. And you know what? That fucking gets my knickers in a twist.

And it really, really, really makes me want to get on a crusade and start bitch-slapping the assholes who don’t fucking think, don’t fucking get it.

I appreciate more than I can say that there are people out there who don’t know what in the hell I’m talking about. I appreciate more than I can possibly convey that I like the idea that there are women out there who can safely say that they have never been sexually abused or assaulted. Hell, I think it’s fantastic that there are still women out there who haven’t had to live with the shame and fear of the whole situation. However, I cannot even remotely begin to possibly give two shits about those same women when they fucking try to convey their point as incorrectly and inappropriately as possible because they don’t fucking get it.

The thing is that there are certain things that people can’t possibly do because they don’t have the courage. There are people who are scared of public speaking or turning in a research paper or driving a car or flying or standing on tall buildings or or or. There are a lot of people who have a lot of different fears that either may or may not find the courage to face them.

However, the fears that they have about these mundane things in no way equals or remotely approaches the fear a man or woman has about reporting a rape, either incestuous or not. And if someone who is my age—never mind my sixteen-year-old self, but just my twenty-eight year old self—can’t fucking do it, then how in the shit is a fucking twelve-year-old expected to do it?

Aliens Builts the Pyramids.

(For a while there, I had a journal that I filled with various rants before I realized that my ranting only happened once in a blue moon. There were some very epic rants in there about various things. I think the one that will always be the biggest problem for me is the whole “Aliens Built the Pyramids” horse manure that’s touted about all the time now. It’s aggravating and irritating and insulting.)

Has anyone else noticed the change in the line up of the History Channel? I know I’m not the only one who has ever noticed this or if I am, then I have way too much time on my hands. However, as I look at a list of their television shows, I’m seeing a long list of reality TV programs, WWII programs, and alternative theories programs. This aggravates me since I’m too cheap to add channels like the Science Channel or the Nat Geo channel. So, I’m stuck watching the History channel, which means that I can become an expert on WWII, odd reality programs, or alt-theoretical movements.

What the hell am I getting at?

Yeah, I ramble a lot, so I’ll quickly segue into what I wanted to talk about: the new age movement in literature. (One day, I might actually get back to the point of the above mention start paragraph and rant about the programming based on this shit.)

Everywhere you go nowadays, you’re smacked in the face with some new cockamamie theory. I guess it’s no big deal since, you know, everything started out that way. A bunch of pagans were ruling the earth and then, a new theory crops up: monotheism. We made shelter out of caves and scrub grass, but then we all had to upgrade when the first caveman’s theory of a mud-brick home held up against the test of time (and weather). So, new theories are pretty common.

What aggravates me are the aliens stuff.

Do I believe in life out there? Sure. The galaxy is big enough and wide enough to have at least a planet or two with life on it. Maybe the life in question isn’t what we would consider life, like conscious soap scum, but it’s probably out there. Somewhere. The galaxy is also odd enough, old enough and weird enough to have life that is (A) more advanced than we are and (B) less advanced than we are. Do I think that we have little green/gray men? Maybe. Do I think all aliens are bipedal? Probably not. Do I put a lot of thought into all of this? Not until this moment, right now.

I have a point to all of this idiotic rambling, I swear. My point, which I whip out with a flourish, is emphatically stated with the author: Erich Von Daniken. He’s the bastard that started all of this shit way back in the seventies. He’s considered (this is directly quoted from the website that is all about him) as “the father of the ancient astronaut theory.” And yeah, that’s true, to a point. He actually built his theories on other authors who had voiced similar opinions before him (for example, Peter Kolosimo). However, he’s also pretty good at being a fraud. He’s put forth proof of his theories that he later had to retract as fraudulent: case in point, The Iron Pillar of Delhi. This is only one of many.

Okay, so, the guy’s a crackpot as far as I am concerned. Hell, Carl Sagan felt the need to tell him off (to a point). While Carl Sagan didn’t necessarily refute his theories out-and-out, he did say that “extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.” (This may be why the moron thought putting forth fake evidence was a good idea.) Erich von Daniken and his book, The Chariot of the Gods, has since brought about numerous ancient astronaut theories to the forefront.

Some of the more noted authors include Robert Bauval and Graham Hancock.

Now, let me side-track a little: I can’t stand Graham Hancock. You might think that I am basing this entirely on the fact that he thinks aliens came down and helped us out back when we were nose-picking, drooling anthropoid morons. Wrong. I’ve actually read a book by the idiot, I mean the author: The Sign and the Seal. “The Sign and The Seal: The Quest for the Lost Ark of the Covenant is a controversial book by British researcher Graham Hancock. It was published in 1992. The book narrates the endeavors of the writer in searching for the true Ark of the Covenant and proposes the theory that the ark spent several years in Egypt before it came to Ethiopia via the Nile River, where it was kept in the islands of Lake Tana for about four hundred years and finally taken to Axum.” Quoted from Wiki.

I’m going to further side track by quoting myself from my personal blog on the subject of this book:

“…this author is a fucking moron! He found roadblocks to his theory and immediately went about proving his theory the most difficult way first instead of merely looking at the archaeology and time period previous to the Ethiopians’ claims! Just because some big fat guy wrote that it was “impossible” for the Ethiopian Jews to have had a start before A.D. 70 (since that was approximately the time that Jews fled into present-day Yemen and present-day Saudi Arabia from Roman persecution), except that they and even Graham Hancock is forgetting a very important piece of the puzzle: What major country was sitting about for thousands of years before Roman rule took over?

“GODDAMN EGYPT, YOU FOOL!

“Now, in ancient times, there was no Sudan and Egypt ruled from approximately the end of the Nile (its drainage point to the Mediterranean Sea) to the fifth cataract. Fifth. This places their complete rule in an area that was known as “Kush” by the Egyptians. This area is present-day Sudan almost in the country’s entirety. Now, beyond the “land of Kush” were the Ethiopians, which is denoted in mentions of a dark-skinned and warrior peoples who had their own monarchy at around the same time as Egypt did.

“Now, if a person takes a look at the Roman Empire at its zenith, you can see that it had taken over to only about the mid-point of the Red Sea in Egypt. This was in no way the actual completion of the country, but only where they stopped. That is where the present-day boundaries for the country of Egypt lie, or thereabouts. That leaves from the second cataract down to the sixth cataract, and Ethiopia, all to itself. The Egyptians traded with a warrior race and its monarchy that was further south than they were! Who do these people think that they were? Fucking angels that fell from the sky? Not to be that dark-skinned they sure as hell were not. That would leave me to denote the only obvious conclusion: Ethiopians in their ancient form.

“All right, so how did the Jews get down there and how did they get converted? Simple. There were Jews up and down the Nile throughout Egypt during the reign of Kleopatra VII. She even had a Jew as one of her advisors. They were common enough, even though they had fled that scene years before. It doesn’t matter, though–they came back. So, you have these Jews and the Romans have already gone about persecuting them in their homeland and elsewhere. Where would they flee? They would flee out of Roman bounds which would mean either into the desert, into the desert, or to the south where they would know of a warrior monarchy already firmly entrenched.

“There, you fucking dolt, I solved your damn puzzle and I don’t even think that Ethiopia has the Ark of the Covenant!

“There is also the possibility, seeing as how the Ethiopian Jews do not follow the two major corner stones of Jewish tradition (Chanukah and the Feast of Purim) that the Jews that absconded to Ethiopia were far before the time of the Roman occupation and integration of ancient Egypt.”

Okay, so I’m done side-tracking on that, but for one last thing: After the first chapter or two and having thrown the book at the wall untold amount of times, I stopped reading it. I would like to admit that Graham Hancock’s The Sign and the Seal was the first book that I ever stopped reading while in the middle of it.

Let’s suffice it to say that I’ve given Graham Hancock a try and I didn’t really like what I found. Did I try his compatriot Robert Bauval? Yep. I did. I believe I read The Orion Mystery or at least portions of it. Interesting theories, but I had lost my fervor for ancient astronaut theories by that point. Anything read by Erich, Graham, and Robert just boiled my blood. It still does. The only “new age” book that I’ll give another try to is The Sirius Mystery but that’s because the Dogon people are just fucking awesome. (That’s another story.)

So. To the rant.

I feel like people like Erich von Daniken, Robert Bauval, and Graham Hancock are selling the ancient cultures of this world far too short. Yes, we are evolving but how does that mean that in five to six thousand years are brains have matured “so much” that we can only now comprehend advance mathematics, the use of geometry and scale in artwork, astrology and astronomy and other advanced sciences? Honestly, what the hell are they thinking? The human body has gained in height as has the average human life span, but somehow in six thousand years are brains have gone from minuscule percentages of use to the 8-10 percent we use now? Isn’t the whole evolution of humanity based on brain size, which (I thought) denotes the amount of brain usage? Isn’t that why Mother Nature decided that Homo Erectus, and thereby Homo Sapiens, was the way to go?

I strongly and firmly believe that humanity, on its own, decided to build their monuments.

My belief stems from the fact that there was no impatience in the world then. It was new and exciting and in need of exploration. They had the time to figure out the harder sciences and mathematics. They had the time to carve intricate patterns into tons and tons of rocks. They had the time and the patience to quarry for long periods of time a single obelisk, move it to where it needed to be and then do as they would with the monument. Personally, I think that we couldn’t do that nowadays because we are too into the “now, now, now” mentality. How many Donatellos and Da Vincis are running around today? How many men are spending their entire lives on a SINGLE monument to build? Engineers have a thousand projects all at once and artists flit from one subject matter to the next. We have grown impatient and that is why we could not create something as beautiful and wondrous as the pyramid complex at Giza or the idols of Easter Island.

While I do think that there is intelligent life out there (as I’ve mentioned), I think it’s pretty presumptuous of us to assume that an alien species not only has kept an eye out on us, but was willing to give us a hand building our crypts, cities, languages, and anything else I can’t think of off the top of my head. If this intelligent species was really keeping an eye on us, why would this obviously advanced species want to give us a hand in our evolution? Okay, so maybe it’s an experiment, as seen in one of my favorite television shows Stargate: SG1. While I enjoy the plots in the television show in regards to alien species and their need to experiment, oversee and just generally meddle in our genetic structures, I really cannot see a reason why or a need to in reality.

I think one prevailing theory out there currently is that this alien species came to assist us because they were dying out. So, what… they thought giving humanity a lift in the proper direction would be a good idea and then give them all of their knowledge, information and basic history? (Where I get that information: Secret chambers beneath the Sphinx. The theory is that this chamber contains information of an advanced nature, possibly of an alien landing and their history.) Seriously, wouldn’t that just fuck up Mother Nature’s plans for us, not to mention give us a big, huge complex?

Here we are, running along and just learning animal husbandry and BAM! This big silver space ship lands, green guys with fish heads come out (scaring many people to shit) and tell us that, we suck as a race, but they could help us un-suck by giving us information that would be thousands and thousands of years beyond our capabilities. Oh, yeah, and they’re dying so would we mind keeping their information for us until we can use it and build our own space ships and cattle probes? Geez, man. Talk about paranoid, frightening and over the top. I can pretty much say that I would have been one of those ancient people that was passing the fuck out.

Seriously, how does that sound even remotely probable, possible, and actual?

I’d like to assume that any intelligent life out there is keeping their cattle probes to themselves because we are just not ready for that kind of stuff. If we’re so busy fighting over territory with one another, who is to say that we won’t fight over stellar territory with the silver space ship guys? Yet, I’m supposed to sit here and listen that we were ready millennia ago? I guess it’s just like a child: A blank slate and easy to mold, right?

Call me a human-ist, but I’d like to think that we were smart enough to figure out Sacred and Euclidean geometry, engineering on a monumental scale, chemistry and metallurgy, agriculture, and the making of beautiful art pieces.