What To Do When Waiting in the Wal-Mart Line.

Yesterday, I went to Wal-mart because I’m a lower middle class white woman who needed to get out of the house. So, I ended up at the Wal-mart in Chicopee. I don’t normally frequent this one because it’s a bigger waste in gas than going to the one in Springfield. Also, I tend to have to wait for umpteen million years in line when I go to this one. I mean, in Springfield, it’s about the same for line-waiting. However, it’s so much closer to my home that I can almost overlook that. While in line yesterday, I decided to start coming up with a list of amazing things to keep yourself occupied while you wait the half hour or so to check out.

1. Crane your neck around to see how fast the other lines are moving around you.
2. Comment about how twenty items or less used to mean less than twenty items when you were a kid.
3. Heave your weight, impatiently, from foot to foot.
4. Look down at the nonexistent watch on your wrist and tap it like you have somewhere to be.
5. Make rude commentary under your breath.
6. Lure the person standing in line either ahead of you or behind you into a conversation.
7. Let your eyes glaze over like you’re having an out-of-body experience.
8. Proclaim loudly about how you wouldn’t have to wait this long at the store in [city].
9. Comment to your neighbor about how much nicer that store is, even though it is 45 minutes away.
10. Wonder why the hell you chose the 20 items or less line when the 12 items or less line is moving faster.
11. Bitch about how all the Wal-marts in the area are not 24 hours, as they had previously advertised.
12. Mention how nice it is to shop at three in the morning.
13. Loudly proclaim that the customer service in this store is appalling.
14. Heave a heavy sigh or twenty-seven.
15. Try to figure out how fast the lines around you are moving.
16. Try to figure out if moving to a faster moving line is worth it.
17. Recall that you are almost there… five people back.
18. Drop your items on the floor as a change of pace.
19. Mutter snottily about how slow the cashier at the register is.
20. Shoot dagger like looks at the person wandering the store while texting and busily NOT helping customers.
21. Talk about how there are 30 registers and only four of them are open.
22. Tap that imaginary watch as the person writing a check ahead of you finally leaves.
23. Eagerly count the items in the cart of the person ahead of you and scowl when you realize there are 22 items instead of 20 or less.
24. Snark righteous about how no one understands what customer service is anymore.
25. Seriously consider opening up a register yourself.
26. Go so far as to move toward open register before changing your mind.
27. Wonder how much the twit at the register makes an hour.
28. Giggle in maniacal fits as the line moves forward.
29. Drop all items on the floor, again, including your soda.
30. Casually switch out soda for a non-fizzy one when no one is paying attention.
31. Debate whether or not you want to try the newest Trident flavor.
32. Discuss what cell phone provider you use with the customer ahead/behind you.
33. Pretend you get a text message so that the uncomfortable conversation will stop.
34. FINALLY place your items on the conveyor belt.
35. Glower at the back of the person ahead of you.
36. Demand, silently, that they get the hell out of the way.
37. Tap your imaginary watch and clear your throat obnoxiously.
38. Read the headlines spewing star secrets while you wait for the person ahead of you GTFO.
39. Place a brighter than sunshine smile on your face as you greet your pimply-faced slow-as-hell cashier.
40. Cheerfully wish the teller have a good night, and then mutter, “NOT,” under your breath.


Courage Is the Ladder Which All the Other Virtues Mount.

There are a lot of things lately that make me feel like I have this immovable weight pressing down on my neck and shoulders. I believe I have oft-times referred to it as a “millstone.” I think this weight has long since grown from being a simple millstone into a giant fucking boulder that was merrily rolling down a fucking mountain before it finally slammed face-first into my head. I’ve since been recovering from this horrible impact with my face. It’s been an on-going process that has required a lot of inner fortitude as well as some serious motherfucking courage. I think I’m rapidly approaching a dry spell in the courage department, though.

Today, for the first time, I had to ask for money from other people. I was selling wears, though, so it kind of evened out. I had to swallow my pride and ask for help and explain the reasons why. Most of the people who I am friendly with online and in real life are aware of my… trying times as of present. At least I didn’t have to explain that I was being dicked in the ass by the DUA before asking for some assistance… And I did get that assistance. I’m over the meager goal I had set for myself, although I will leave the post up for a bit, just in case.

Any extra bit helps.

However, this has really made me feel like I am not only at the end of my tether, but also at the lowest of the low. I am utterly grateful that I have such friends who are willing to assist me, either for the wears I am selling or just as a gift. (I received two gifts, actually.) And yet, I am so utterly aggravated that I have had to do this. I am beyond irritated to have to realize that I have to ask other people for money just so that I can buy toilet paper and trash bags. And again, I can most definitely see why there are a bunch of people out there who have said, “Fuck it,” when it comes to receiving unemployment. Considering all of the hoops I’ve had to jump through, financial and otherwise, I can only imagine how much worse it can get.

Unfortunately or fortunately, depends on your take I suppose, I am one stubborn fucking bitch. Once I set my eyes on a specific goal, then I am going to fucking see it through. Now, obviously, I can change my goals as needed to retrofit my life, however in this particular goal? There is no changing my mind. I will receive those weekly stipends from an account that Greed, Inc opened for me when they hired me in the first place. I will take every ounce of the money out of that account and I will make them pay me for what they did to me. This is utterly non-negotiable as far as I am concerned.

However, in the mean time, I am still bumming around and hoping that my adjudicator sits down and finally says, “Yeah, all right. Let’s get down to business and settle this one.” I mean, how long can he possibly take to make a decision? I understand that his job isn’t easy, however, judges in regular court systems manage to do it every day. Twelve jurors manage to do it on a daily basis. So, how is it possible that the man who sat before my case is having a difficult time here? If it’s that hard, perchance he should find a new job, eh?

I’ll just sit here and ring my hands in the mean time.

And be grateful that I have some bitching friends.



Today, I was walking with my son and our younger dog, Jasmine. This is a daily ritual for us. It keeps us all active and is kind of like a bonding exercise. This is also a part of my exercise for weight loss. Now, usually, the walk is fast and done quick: TS has started a habit of complaining about being tired and wanting to go home within five minutes of us leaving the house. Today, he was good; wse walked a good deal.

Today, a we neared the end of our walk, we went down towards a street we normally go down, Devens. It connects with Ludlow Ave and there’s a brick wall that TS loves to sit on at the end of Ludlow. So, we almost always end our walks down Devens. It’s straight forward and simple, though not today.

We encountered a dog.

This really isn’t all that out of the ordinary. When we’re walking Jazz, I’ll usually just pick her up. She is not friendly with other dogs. Hell, she has attacked her ‘older sister’ on numerous occasions. (Jazz thinks she’s alpha bitch and Sweet Pea feels the same. It’s irritating.) So, I am very observant and pay close attention when we’re all walking. So, today, I heard a yip as we walked down Devens and lifted Jazz on my shoulder; TS was ahead of us by two feet.

This chihuahua comes barreling out off a private property and goes after TS. It jumps at him, but doesn’t do anything. I have to thank all deities for protecting his special butt… In reality, I assume it didn’t hurt him because he didn’t have the dog with/on him. So, it came tearing off at me since I had the dog.

I figured it would run around in circles, barking like mad. Instead, it jumped up. I felt a burning and said, “Ow!” I don’t think I realized what happened. In fact, I’m sure I didn’t. I had a tight hold of Jasmine’s neck so she wouldn’t take off at the damn thing. The owner came out and snagged at the dog: she didn’t say anything or apologize. Fuck, I don’t even know if she spoke English since I live in Polish-Portuguese central.

And we hurried off.

By the time we were walking in the door, I knew that the dog had scratched or bit me. I immeditately pulled off my pants and tried to see. It’s hard because it bit me in that spot on my thigh where no matter how you angle, you can’t see properly. I took the above picture of it, which is shit quality. However, the record is there.

This Game is Dumb.

This morning, I did my weekly filing for my unemployment claim. I get a little alarm on my little phone from five different places to remind to do this. So, I went through the little questions and answered them properly. Then, I waited for the “status” screen to pop up. Can anyone possibly guess what was still posted up there? Yep, that’s right. The bright red message that informs me that I am disqualified from the period I am filing for, however, if I’m filing an appeal, then I should keep certifying my unemployment.

So, this can mean one of two things, as far as I am concerned. On the one hand, it could mean that he has not decided in my favor. On the other, it can mean that he still hasn’t decided. I’m more inclined to go with option two because I prefer that option. However, since Greed, Inc only decided it would be in their best interest to bring forth evidence against someone else or give vague testimony… Yeah, I’m pretty sure he’ll decide in my case. However, this waiting bullshit is just that: bullshit. I mean, my adjudicator has to realize that I will have an awesome fucking appeal because of his failure to make a fucking decision within the two to four week standard [implied] practice the DUA claims should he not decide in my favor…

…which he will.

I am beyond pissed; I’m furious.

How can they fucking do this to us? How can they just dick people around like this? There are people who rely on that money or would, if they possibly could. I can’t tell you how many people I have heard of just saying “fuck it” because the DUA has strung them along for any number of reasons. I’m fucking lucky that TH is working and bringing in money every week. If he wasn’t, I couldn’t be fucking around like this because there would be no way to get anything done. There would be no way to pay bills or anything.

As it is, I’m nearly out of most of my cleaning products and I don’t want to ask TH for the money to buy more since we’ll need that income for something else. I’m nearly out of kitchen trash bags for the same reason. I can list off more than a dozen items that I need to replenish in some form or another, but can’t because the DUA is dicking me around.

And, of course, I’m taking it.

Weight Loss Journal: Yeah, I’m Still Doing That.

I haven’t really been updating with this because I got really down on myself.

After Thanksgiving, I found it harder and harder to maintain my diet. The worst part is that I did amazing on Thanksgiving. I didn’t even go over on my daily intake; in fact, I had ten calories left over. However, as time passed, I sank into a depression because of the waiting game I’ve been playing. I couldn’t keep an accurate log of my daily intake because I didn’t want to know what a fat bitch I was becoming. I was still walking, though not as often or as long. In fact, it was so bad that the last time I weighed in, I had gained back the three or four pounds I had lost in November.

At around the beginning of this month, I started doing some research on how the hell I could lose weight. I found a bunch of bullshit psychobabble: think thin; stand always in the vacuum position (suck in your gut); and other things that made me laugh. I finally started doing research on how I could lose 2 pounds in a week, which is what I wanted my weekly goal to be. I found out that if I remove five hundred calories from my intake a day, I will lose 3500 calories, or a pound. In exercising the same amount in the same week, I can lose another pound… thus, reaching my goal.

So, I’ve been trying to burn 500 calories everyday. The walking is going well, although I will mention a few hitches: six days a week, I have to walk with TS. This can either hinder or aid my calorie-burning. Mostly, it’s a combination of both. I tend to get really frustrated with it. It’s really hard to keep walking now that the weather has changed for the colder. I don’t have anything but jeans to wear when I walk, and they’re thin. I also have some really old Adidas for walking wear. Again, I don’t recommend utilizing either in the winter. Also, I have no appropriate winter attire. So, when I get my first check, I’m going to Burlington for a coat and boots.

I will walk in the snow. I don’t care.

I’ve found (finally) the entrance(s) to the woods that surround the ass end of my neighborhood. This means that there’s been some serious hiking going on. I’ve been walking around Dimmock Pond the last few days. It’s crazy and awesome. I’m not normally the hiking kind of person, either. However, I’ve found that with all of this walking (and certain aspects to my religion) that I’m getting over that. I walk through the woods and marvel at what I wish I could see pre-this year’s storm, and what it looked like when people first started building homes on the pond, and trying to figure out what plants I’m walking by. I’m also finding myself irritated by the blatant disregard humanity has for nature, but that’s a story for a different time.

I’ve also been doing some sit-ups. I used to do them every night before I got with MEH. I think I was doing so well with them that I was up to 50 per night. I would do [girly] push-ups, too. So, with that in mind, I’ve been doing some sit-ups. I am at twenty in a go. However, to burn calories while doing them I have to base it off of how long I’m doing them. You burn 4.8 calories every minute that you do sit-ups, so 5 calories of every minute doing calisthenics. Maybe I could do it with sit-ups and jumping jacks… I don’t know. I’ll figure it out. In the mean time, sit ups are also great for that baby pooch I’ve been carting around for four years. (Shit! Four! Years!)

I think the worst part about this dieting aspect is the self-control needed to maintain your eating habits. Just because I’m dieting doesn’t mean that I’m not still bringing delicious chocolate and fattening items into the house. This is because of that Eggo’s commercial about the mom who is dieting, which means everyone in the house is dieting. On the one hand, it would be better for both TS and TH to be on the same dieting plan as me. However, I’m not going to force dry and tasteless down their throats. Besides, then I would have to share things like my Reduced Fat Triscuits and that’s just not fucking happening in this life or the next. (EVER!)

And to be honest, just because someone is dieting doesn’t necessarily mean that you can’t eat the good stuff. You just have to maintain control and stick within the standard size for a single serving. And that, I think, is the hardest part. Like I said, it’s the self-control aspect that is needed to keep up with this stuff. And honestly, even if I didn’t have the tempting stuff underneath my nose, I’d still have a really hard time with it. I mean, there’s food all over the place that’s easily bought. Or, I could make brownies or cake… So, even though the food is here, in this house, and that’s probably not helping, I don’t think it would really keep me within the narrow confines that I need to be.


I’m really trying this whole thing. I mean, I really am. And I want to get down to my target weight, but I have to wonder when I’ll reach my plateau. Everyone does; I know that from having watched plenty of people go on various diets. And the recommendation from there is that you should change up the tactic. What more change could I possibly add to all of this if/when I meet that magical moment where I can’t lose anymore? That’s a scary thought.

But what’s really scary is that I’m putting in all of this hard work for little to no gain.

Current Weight 174
Calories Burned Today 578
Total Burned This Week 4,150
Total Burned 14,951