I know I’ve mentioned HLB and his girlfriend before.
After I wrote that post, I talked with a lot of people about TN. My mom diagnosed him with failure to thrive and she’s never seen him before. The same thing from BFMA’s mother who is a NICU nurse. So, I mentioned it to HLB since he seemed more willing to listen to the fact that there was something wrong with his son. I mentioned it to HLB’s GF because it didn’t seem like HLB was going to do anything about it. That was a mistake because there was absolutely no way to get a bee in the bonnet of HLB’s GF. You see, she suffers from an odd little thing where she has absolutely no mothering instinct. (I don’t understand this.) So, I finally started bothering TH’s mother about it because it would at least be told to someone who cared.
And after some time, she finally started to move heaven and earth to get something done for TN.
MIL had gone to at least one of TN’s doctor’s appointments and mentioned her concerns. Instead of listening, the doctor turned back to MIL and said, “Well, what do you think is wrong with him?” in a rather condescending tone. She, of course, assured him that if she knew the answer to that, then she would have a medical degree. It seemed like his doctor didn’t care. And if the doctor did care s/he probably thought it wasn’t worth discussing with parents who are too young. (BFMA’s mother told her about how a lot of pediatricians won’t tell younger parents their concerns about various things until they absolutely have to since, apparently, younger parents don’t care. Gee. I wonder where that stereotype could come from…)
Finally, early intervention was called to assist them in diagnosing what was wrong with TN. He wasn’t growing and he still wasn’t eating enough to grow. He still wasn’t experiencing any of the milestones that parents look forward to. He was still colicky. He was still a fussy baby. He was still smaller than most babies in the age bracket of newborn to three months… and by that time, he was six to seven months old. I had been telling them from the get-go that something was wrong with TN, but it took them six months before they finally decided to do something about it.
Early intervention helped them to get the specialist appointments that they normally would need referrals for: gastroenterologist, neurologist, and geneticist. The caretakers who had come over to monitor TN said that there were a few causes for failure to thrive (vindi-fucking-cation): they said it was due to neglect, it was due to taking certain medications during the pregnancy, or that it was a neurological or genetic disorder. However, since TN is so small, they also thought perhaps a nutritional deficiency could be causing some of the issues. He went to the gastroenterologist and he told them to put oil in his food as it will automatically be converted to fat…
…and that was it. We’re playing the waiting game at this juncture.
Now, in the time it’s taken for all of this to happen, a lot has happened between TN’s parents that has left a lot of us quirking eyebrows at one another. The only reason I know any of this stuff is because, on occasion, HLB will turn to his big brother and ask for advice. And TH knows that I’m really, really, really concerned about TN. Also, I think it’s practically written out as a testament to marriage that the significant other has to inform the other about important familial occurrences. I don’t know, either way… I know things that a lot of other people don’t.
HLB opened up to TH about… two months ago about his issues with the girlfriend. I’m going to name a few instances that I know about just to impress upon what it is I’m planning on saying.
1. When they were still dating and before TN came along, HLB caught her chucking her birth control pills down the sink one morning. He demanded to know what she was doing and she lied, saying that it was an accident. However, he said, “No. I saw you throw it down there, on purpose.” Shortly thereafter, he broke up with her… and she came by two weeks later, pregnant.
2. There was a wicked bad storm that brought a lot of trees down around here. (Which one? Honestly, I don’t remember.) HLB is one of those kids that needs to be doing something constantly, so he offered his assistance in cutting up tree branches and getting them out of his friends’ yard. Well, apparently, he offered his services to a friend of his and HLB’s GF said, “No, you’re not going.” And he reminded her that he had promised to help. Her response was, “If you leave this house, I’m not staying to watch the baby. He’ll be here on his own.” (As an aside, TH has told me that on two occasions, FF had gone downstairs to stoke the fire and found no one downstairs with the baby and her car gone. This was earlier in the year when HLB was working.) HLB offered to take TN with him since there would be other adults there to watch TN. And she said, “No, you’re not taking him anywhere. You’re either staying here with me or your son will be all alone.” I don’t know how they settled this spat, but HLB and TN went off to help his friend clear his yard.
3. The two of them were arguing one night about something completely ridiculous. Apparently, it was one of those fights that leads up to some seriously fucked up shit being said. She was trying to bait HLB to hit her, on purpose, of that we’re sure. She told him that she was leaving with TN and he would never, ever see the baby ever again. She swore she would tell the court system that he used drugs and that he was a drunk and and and. I mean, she was just saying shit to be mean at this point. And of course, since HLB is young, he absolutely felt that she was right, that she could take TN away from him. (And since the courts tend to give full custody to the mothers versus the fathers…) When he told her that she would never take his kid away from him, she slapped him across the face or something like that. He ended up grabbing her and forcing her away from him. The next day, she told MIL that HLB had hit her. So, MIL asked HLB what happened and he explained the scenario. MIL told HLB’s GF that she brought it upon herself and that she was lucky HLB didn’t lose his shit all over her.
These are just some of the instances that I could name. I felt that they really illustrated the point that I have to make, which is that she is bat-shit insane who is a leech. She has some very severe emotional issues with abandonment. This is normal considering that her dad killed himself and she found him… and then her mom moved out of that house and left her and her brother to live there. So, yes. She has some severe trauma and yes, she has some severe issues because of this trauma. However, there has to be other trauma that I don’t know about that have caused her to get like this. She’s done whacked.
Apparently, this morning, yet another argument was stirring between HLB and HLB’s GF. This started because HLB didn’t get up with TN, for once. I know that HLB gets up with TN just about every morning. (Oh, by the way, TN still doesn’t sleep through the night. Still. At nearly eight months of age.) This morning, for whatever reason, HLB didn’t get up with TN. So, in a fit of pique, she threw a bottle at HLB and his him in the head. This, of course, started a massive argument between the two of them… and finally, MIL got involved.
MIL took HLB’s GF aside and said, “You can get the fuck out of my fucking house.” You know that MIL is really pissed off when she started dropping eff-bombs because she just does not use that word. That’s when she’s seriously injured herself or she’s super-fucking-pissed off. “The only reason you’re even in this house in the first place is because of that baby! It’s not like I wanted you here in the first place!” And this is when HLB’s GF started sobbing her little heart out. (Apparently, she’s good at turning on the water works.) “And you can take that whiney baby bullshit and shove it! I want you out of here!”
I don’t know where this leaves TN.
I can say that I don’t think she will get far with taking the baby out of that house. TN is safer and more loved and more able to mature in the environment that FF, HLB, and MIL provide for him. As HLB said, her whole family is fucked up in some form or another (either genetically or emotionally) and he doesn’t want them to so much as look at his son, much less fuck him up as much as they’ve fucked her up. And I have to agree. Obviously, the raising that she received didn’t work out so well. And MIL did a pretty awesome job (as a single mother) with her two kids… even HLB, I guess.
So. This whole thing is just… it’s fucking irritating and aggravating. I’m at the point where I just want to start grabbing people and shaking them to see my point-of-view. I’m slowly beginning to realize how my mother felt whenever I was making some huge fucking mistake as a teenager. (Gods, I hope she doesn’t read that… I’ll never hear the end of it.) In all honesty, I hope that she tries to take TN out of the house and I hope that I’m there to tell HLB to call the cops and report him as kidnapped. I mean, I think that, right there, will be something in the eyes of the court.
In the mean time, a tug of war begins over a child that she once wanted, but no longer desires and a child that he never wanted, but now desires above all else.