Patterning Your Life Around Other’s Opinions…

…is nothing more than slavery.

So, let’s say you’re having a conversation with someone you really care about; friend or lover… whomever. And that conversation is mostly one-sided (theirs). You’re mostly there as a verbal punching bag, not because you’re a douchebag but because that friend needs to vent. And during a lull, you toss out some glimmers of decent advice. Then, you get to the point where you’re having this conversation with somebody and you realize, Wow. They so do not get it. At that point in the conversation, you can either try to put things to rights or you can just sit and watch the train wreck.

Personally, I kind of prefer the train wreck scenario. It’s probably not the nicest thing one could do, but it sure is entertaining. Okay. Not just entertaining, though; it’s also nice to watch the train wreck because then you feel superior. And come on, let’s face it: who doesn’t like feeling superior? But, the responsible thing is to fix the misunderstanding… right?

Honestly, I’m beginning to suspect that ‘fixing’ it is really overrated. It means that you have to take more time out of your day to correct the misconception. While that may not take long, I’ve come to find that it can be a real endeavor to correct the misunderstanding somebody else has about what you said, what you believe, and the intent behind it. It can be hours, days, or weeks… if you’re lucky enough to get these people to listen. And you have to really wonder to yourself, is it worth the energy you might use to fix the train wreck?

That’s the whole point right there.

Is. It. Worth. The. Energy.

To be perfectly frank, I have to say that it isn’t. You may love the person and worry for their welfare. You might just want to wave your non-existent magic wand to fix the fuck ups that have caused this conversation to manifest in the first place. However, that doesn’t mean that you’re going to be fixing a damn thing. And besides, how much energy do you want to put into this whole thing? How much time do you want to put into this? Love, friendship, and affection aside: do you have the spoons necessary to correct the mistake? Can you do this?

I’m at the point where the misunderstanding isn’t mine to fix. If someone thinks that you’re that big of an asshole and that you meant whatever misconception they’re throwing around, then the misunderstanding isn’t yours; it’s theirs. They took the message/advice and convoluted it for whatever reason. And on the heels of that, then was it ever really worth the conversation in the first place? Obviously, your affection for the person was misplaced because now they think you’re that asshole who would mean something that grotesque.

At that point, I’m pretty much of the mind that the correction isn’t yours to make. They decided that you were a big-time jerk and ran with it. You know what the intention behind your message was. So why expel the time and energy?

Again. You only have so many damn spoons.

8 thoughts on “Patterning Your Life Around Other’s Opinions…

  1. I would agree with that. In the end, I might try once to fix the situation, and if the person isn’t listening- it’s just a waste of your energy to bother. At that point, it’s best to walk away. Let that person come to things at their own terms. Nothing you can say or do will make a blind man see. Why throw spoons at them, it’s not going to do anything but hurt yourself.

    ironically, believe it or not, this is a facet of unconditional love. You know, that obscure concept I’ve spent so much time learning about lately. Sometimes, you just have to know when to walk away.

    • I honestly don’t know if I want to try and fix this particular situation. I’m sick of these constant moments of self-realization where I come to the conclusion that I’m wasting my breath and time. I’m so depressed and low, and I strongly suspect it’s because of these situations I’m referring to.

      I want to unconditionally love myself.

      • Then don’t. It’s as simple as that. If it’s not worth it, why kill yourself. There is no point. And if you keep finding yourself in situations like this, perhaps you need to examine what you are doing to make this constantly happen (whether it’s something you’re doing, or merely the company you keep).

        Unconditionally loving yourself is hard, but I think it can be done. Course, that means you’ll have to give into certain OTHERZ that you seem to not like so much 😛

        • I think it’s the company.

          I read your responses to TH. And he said, “She’s right. The only person who should be able to drain you is TS.” And he/you are absolutely right. I’m just as important as everyone else.

          Yeah. I think I’m going to have to get in touch with.those OTHERZ. Well… moreso than I already am.

          • Someone who thinks I’m right? They’re right up my alley 😉

            And you are as important as everyone else. Don’t forget that. If you give out all of your spoons all the time, eventually you’ll have no spoons to give out to anyone (and esp. the most important people in your life). What good are you to anyone then?

            The more OTHERZ the merrier!

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