Weight Loss Journal: I May Just Get The Hang of This.

I’ve been trying very hard to keep up with the dieting. It’s proved a very difficult task. There are so many damn things that you can’t have or have to eat in moderation! There’s chocolate and ice cream and did I mention chocolate? It really hasn’t helped that I’ve been feeling extremely down this past week and I got my period. That was like a double whammy of “can you really do this?” Not only that, but it’s really fucking hard to say no to chocolate when your best friend brings over a bar, knowing how depressed you are. (No, I’m not complaining, but it still is hard.)

Even with all of that, I’ve been doing very well. I go for three to four walks a day, sometimes more but not usually. TS and I go for a walk with Jasmine (my fat mutt) in the morning. We try to walk for about a mile or thereabouts. Some days it’s more than that and some days, it’s less. It’s difficult when you have a three-year-old who is trying his damnedest to assert some independence, especially when he doesn’t want to listen or hold his mother’s hand. There’s a lot of teeth-gritting (the two of us), yelling (me), crying (him), and put-upon sighing (both). So far, though, we’ve both been able to walk between .8 to one mile in that time period. We come back home in foul moods, but we do it.

After that, I usually wait until TH comes home before I head out for my next walk. It just makes my life that much easier in not having to take TS on yet another walk. I really want to walk with him more than the once a day, but until his behavior improves, there’s nothing more to do about it. I can barely handle taking him out once a day. I shudder to think what would happen if it was twice a day.

I try to walk about three-and-a-half miles. That’s what I have the weight loss program set to: five days a week, I get a little reminder that I need to walk such-and-such amount of miles. I’ve been walking closer to four miles a day, though. It’s easy and fun and I never really understood what people meant when they went on about having more energy after working out. I get it now, though. The more I walk, the more I want to walk. The more I walk, the better I feel about myself. It’s also a great way to clear my head or to think up scenes for novels I’ll never write (or will write one day but not any time soon) or just to fantasize about shit. It’s like ‘me’ time. It’s kind of nice.

TH is proud of me, or so he says. I assume he is. I mean, why wouldn’t he? I took this upon myself and seem to be doing really good with all of it. Today, he told me that just because I hit my plateau, then that doesn’t mean that I can give up what I’m doing. He reminded me that it happens to everyone, even the people on the Biggest Loser or whatever that show is. I know that’s the case. I can clearly recall his mother and aunts complaining about hitting their plateau with Weight Watchers. I never heard TM say anything about it out loud, but I know she’s had similar issue, too.

He told me that even if it looks like I’m not going to lose any more weight, then I can’t give up because what I’m doing is living a healthier lifestyle. However, in looking into things in that perspective, I can see why most people give up. I mean, if you don’t see any more results, what’s the point? However, I’m going a lot slower than most people, I think, so I think it may take me longer to reach my plateau, if I get there at any point. Hopefully, my plateau is really damn close to my target weight (120 pounds, which is what works with my height). That would make things easier.

This week, I managed to lose two pounds. I think it’s a fluke because I’m under the impression that it’s usually like a one pound a week thing. I don’t know; I don’t think I did anything different this week than I did last week. In all honesty, I believe that the reason I lost two pounds was because I’m finally over my period. Thus, I lost some quick water weight. Hell, probably about a pound and a half was water weight due to period while half a pound was due to real effort. I know it sounds like I’m Negative Nancy-ing my own efforts, but I figure if I say mean shit about myself first, no one else can do it for me.

I’ve also begun to think about something an online friend of mine does. She measures her waist when she does the whole dieting thing and that really resonated with me. I’d like to know what my measurements are, but I’m always so scared to because I’m afraid of what they’re going to be. Not to mention, it’s taken a lot for me to simply announce how much I weigh in a public forum, so I don’t know how I’ll feel in announcing my bodily measurements. To be completely frank, I think I’d be more embarrassed over people knowing what my measurements are as opposed to my weight. I know that’s weird, right? But if I announce it, then everyone will know how much belly weight I gained.

Eh. It’s a moot point anyway. I don’t have a measuring tape that would allow me to do that.

Current Weight 171
Calories Burned 2413

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