The Weight Loss Journal: I Found Out That I’m Fat.

Since I lost my job I’ve gained between ten and fourteen pounds. I say between that because I fluctuated a solid five-pound difference while at the CO. I was at around 163 when I worked. After noticing more pouf around my uterus and C-section scar, around three weeks ago, I began to suspect something.

Then, I couldn’t fit into my ‘house jeans.’ Now, these are jeans that I bought last year when I was still just a lowly cashier at the CO. So, they’ve been around the block for quite some time. In fact, they’re rapidly coming up on two years old or thereabouts. However, up until this point, as old as they were and as ratty as they were, they still fit. They were a little tight around my thighs (since I have Thunder Thighs), but they fit. And that’s the point: They stopped.

I found it near-on impossible to sit down in them. If I sat down, I felt as though I were suffocating or something. I had to unbutton them, at first, if I sat for any length of time. And then, I had to unzip them because the discomfort was just abominable. Not to mention, that buttoned or otherwise, whenever I took them off, I’d have deep impressions of all of the seams around my stomach and hips and thighs. It was both humiliating and disgusting, as far as I was concerned.

When the power was out, we spent a day or two over at the house of MIL. She had heat, even though there was no power because of their wood burning stove. TH went into the bathroom and came out in disgust: in the last week or so, he had gained ten pounds because, since there was no power, we were spending our time eating out a good deal. So, I took it into my head to weigh myself as well… and nearly had a fucking heart attack. I had gone up to 175-7 in the last two months. I knew I had to fix my shit because obesity (and diabetes) run in my family. TM, who is obese, reminds me that having a ‘fat mom’ is no fun and embarrassing quite frequently.


I downloaded an app on my phone. It helps you log in your food content by caloric intake. It separates items in four groups: good calories, bad calories, grain calories, and water items. It offers no advice on how to eat healthy, but tells you if you’ve had too many grain or bad calories. It also has a built-in work out maintenance program. You can choose what kind of work out you want to do. I have it set to walking since, as a smoker, jogging or running are entirely out of the question.

In the last week, I’ve burned 2000 calories with my myriad of walks. I try to walk about three and a half miles a day, although this doesn’t always end up happening. Occasionally, I go over this number but mostly, I end up thereabouts or under my designated mileage. The elements have a big say in how far and how fast I walk, but so too does this chest cold that metamorphosed out of a simple head cold [per usual]. (Of course, I’m sick since we lost power and it was fucking freezing in our house all the damn time.) I think I’m doing okay, but I’m honestly no quite sure.

I did my weekly weigh in a day early (yesterday) and found out that I had lost about a pound. In reality, I think I lost about two pounds since I was guessing what my weight was when I first downloaded the program onto my phone. However, I’m basing everything off of the guess I put in as my weight, which I designated as 174. On the scale at MIL’s house, it said that I had lost a pound.

While I was there, weighing myself, HLB and HLB’s GF watched me. I figured since I’m posting it all over FB and all over this journal, they can watch me weigh myself. I was really grateful when HLB clapped for me, said congratulations, and told me that I weighed less than HLB’s GF. She told him that he was wrong, weighed herself, and yes, I do weigh less than her. (By a whopping three or four pounds, but still!)

Honestly, I’d like to lose more than a pound or two a week. I know it tends to be the average if you’re really trying for people who are not morbidly obese. I still have day dreams about losing five pounds a week. Of course, according to the app on my phone, if I were to do that, then I’d have to take in -246 calories a week. Yeah, that’s right: negative. So, obviously, that’s not going to happen. I would like to get more into a work out regimen that isn’t just walking around my neighborhood, although I like that. It’s going to start snowing soon and I’m worried if I’ll be able to keep it up during the winter.

And it’s not like I have winter boots or a winter coat or the money for either.

Just in case I have a hard time in the winter with this, I have a back up plan. I need money to implement it, but I think it’s a good one.

You see, for anyone who doesn’t know me, I used to be a ballerina as a child. I started taking it to get me out of the house when my daddy was dying. I stuck with it even after all of that. I danced until I was fourteen, for nearly ten years. I stopped because I was an asshole teenager who wanted to hang out with people who really didn’t want to hang out with me. (A story for another time.) Anyway, I haven’t danced since then although I talk about it fairly regularly. On Amazon, there are two or three “beginners” or “recap” videos about ballet dancing. I was in very fit shape as a dancer, so I figured, I could get back there if I started it up again. I also added a portable barre to my wish list since, you know, you need a barre to be a ballerina.

I can do without watching myself in the mirror, although that is also kind of necessary.


That’s the plan: walk my little heart out, try to eat better, and pick up ballet again if/when money comes my way.

At the end of each entry, I’m going to post how much weight I’ve lost and how many calories I’ve burned. I read somewhere, once, that blogging about your weight loss helps to keep you in mind of the weight loss. That’s partly why I’ve been posting it all over FB the last week or so. It keeps it in mind.



2 thoughts on “The Weight Loss Journal: I Found Out That I’m Fat.

  1. I tried cutting calories and had a serious drop in milk supply after only two days. I almost lost my milk, so I figure I’ll have to wait until Cadie is completely weaned to actually lose weight. 😦 Good job on making positive changes in your health! 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s